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About Varied / Hobbyist Member CydnieFemale/Canada Recent Activity
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These past two weeks have been pretty eventful. The first week you all now I started my new job. I actually forgot to mention this in my last journal I am working at a grocery store. The fist week was just training and it was exhausting. For 4 days I would go to school, walk home get ready for work, go to work, then get home and go to bed. I had no time to do anything and I was completely exhausted. Training was okay actually it was really good. I quickly made a friend who is actually really cool. I know it sounds stupid but I was so proud of myself that day because I was the one who initiated the first conversation. I was also able to speak with some of the other people in the group. For some reason I felt pretty confident. Training was easy but so boring. After those 4 days I had to work on the weekend. And oh man it was horrible. I sucked, I ran into so many problems. When my dad picked me up I just cried. I don't think I'm cut out to work in such a large environment. It is such a busy store and there is so many codes to remember. It's so stressful and it makes my anxiety so bad. 

Exams started this week and they ended today. I have done pretty good except for guitar. I literally got a 37% on the final. Wow I didn't think I was that bad. We had to present a song to the class, and I thought I was pretty good. I guess not. Unimpressed I think I did okay in math and really good in business and creative writing. And I guess I did okay in History, I didn't study at all. On Tuesday I had to work again from 5 to 10. It was the worst day yet. I ran into so many problems and I don't know what was wrong with the phones but my supervisors were not picking up the phone. I didn't know what to do and I was so frustrated that I almost started to cry right at the till. But I guess I should stop talking about it, at least I have a job I suppose.

I have not been feeling very well lately. Sorry to be a buzz kill but it's been pretty horrible lately. I have been on antidepressants for a while now but it doesn't feel like they are working at all. I don't even have side effects from them. I have been feeling so grey lately, so numb. I can feel the sorrow in me but I can't cry. I want to cry so bad, to let it out, but all I can do is just sit there and stare off into a void. I know I'm sad I can feel it inside and I want to get it out of me somehow but it just seems stuck in my soul. I'm so lonely it hurts. I'm not even looking forward to summer because I know all I will do is sit in my room and listen to music all by myself. There's nothing to do out here and the boredom in manifesting inside me giving me a sense of loneliness. I thought it would get better with a job. I would be forced to get out and meet some people but so far I've only met one person and I don't know if the others want to get to know me. I didn't know it would be just like school, everyone never wanting to get to know me. Seeing me everyday but never speaking a word to me. I don't know why I am so undesirable to people. I just want to know why people treat me like I'm a disease. No one ever sits beside me in class, no one smiles at me in the hallway. I'm the last person my friends would talk to. Is it because I am boring, because I look depressing. I don't know if I can take this isolation because it's not just me doing it. I may be isolating myself a bit but then there's everybody who just genuinely doesn't care about me at all. It sucks so much, I don't know what's worse being hated or ignored, being sad or being completely numb. I'm not looking forward to summer, right now everything seems black. I have nothing to wake up for everyday except the hope that this will end, that something good will come out of this hurt. So alas I will just sit here in misery and cling to that hope for the whole summer. I think this is going to be a horrible summer.

Sorry for the rant I just wanted to get it out of me, I don't know if it helped I still feel numb. Actually I watched the most amazing movie ever yesterday. It is seriously the movie I have been looking for. It is one of those movies that makes you think and plays with your mind. It's called "The Suicide Room" but it is in Polish. I watched the whole thing on Youtube with English subtitles. Since it's summer I thought I would share it with you guys and you might put it on your summer watch list. It is seriously so amazing you will thank me. Here's the whole movie, I suggest you watch it. I know it's kinda long but it's so worth it. :happybounce: 
  • Mood: Agony
  • Listening to: Pop Evil
  • Reading: Dante's Inferno
  • Watching: The Suicide Room

deviantID

Grumpol
Cydnie
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Canada
I live in Canada, and I absolutely love my country. I am a photographer but only an amateur, it's a very big hobby of mine. All of my photos are raw and natural, I do not believe in editing photos, because then the real beauty of what you are taking a picture of is lost and fake. I am also a writer, although I'm still improving. I also love history and know a lot about all kinds of historical events and eras.

Here are some facts about me:

1. I love nature and I love being outside.

2. I like road trips for some reason, and I love to stick my head out the car window, kind of like a dog.

3. I love history, I watch the History Channel all the time. And annoy everyone with all the facts about pasts eras and events. The eras I like the most in order are Medieval Times, Ancient Greece, Ancient Egypt, Ancient Rome, World War 1 and 2, and I also like the history of the Aztec Warriors in Ancient Mexico. I hope to go to University for history and write historical fiction books. Historical Fiction is when you take events, eras, and situations from the past and make up your own characters and story line.

4. I love music, well I actually hate most kinds of music I only listen to Metal, Heavy Metal, Folk Metal, Melodic Death Metal and Death Metal, Black Metal, Hard Rock, Rock, Grunge, Post Grunge, and I also like 80s metal and rock. My top favourite bands are Five Finger Death Punch, Disturbed, and Avenged Sevenfold. I know a lot about these genres. If you want a good band to listen to just let me know and I'll make some suggestions.

5. I play the drums, and love to play double base. I don't have a band and perhaps that's because I'm shy about my talent only my family and drumming teacher have heard me play. I hope to over come my shyness and be able to play in a metal band one day.

5. I like to write but I do need to improve a lot. I'm currently writing a book called "The Glory" which I started in 9th grade.

6. I love to watch the UFC with my older brother and my dad. I also like the reality T.V show The Ultimate Fighter, where fighters compete to get into the UFC.

7. I like video games like The Elder Scrolls series, Call of Duty, Halo, Fallout series, Dragons Age, Bio-Shock, Assassins Creed, and many others. And I prefer playing them on the X-box 360 even though I do have a Play Station 3, and a Wii.

8. I love to read I enjoy reading History books, and Fantasy Novels. And no Fantasy is not like Romance Fantasies, it's more like Lord of The Rings, with goblins, ogres, magic, wizards and stuff like that, and the story is usually based in Medieval Times. I also like Military Novels.

9. I enjoy archery and love to run around out side practicing on my little archery range. I don't know why but it makes me feel like i'm in Medieval Times (Lol I sound insane).

10. I'm pretty tall I'm 5'10"

11. My favourite animals are: #1 Ostrich and #2 Bison! :D

My Tumblr: amryillisbloom.tumblr.com/
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:iconfictograph:
fictograph Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Professional Filmographer
Thank you so much for the fave on my piece of Alina Starkov.  I've been so obsessed with the Grisha Trilogy since Ruin and Rising came out.  You can see my other fan art for the series on my Tumblr!
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:iconabizaga:
Abizaga Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks so much for the llama! :D Have one, in return!
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:icongrumpol:
Grumpol Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! And thanks! :D
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:iconabizaga:
Abizaga Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're also welcome! :D
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:iconyami-sajic:
Yami-Sajic Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
So I was just doing a little midnight snooping to catch up on anything I've missed, and I happened to notice your webcam image for the first time today.

Pure gold. 
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:icongrumpol:
Grumpol Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahaha I know I thought it was so funny! :D
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:iconberytak:
Berytak Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for faving my work! :D
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:icongrumpol:
Grumpol Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! :D
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:iconwoodsie-one:
Woodsie-One Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks a lot for favs)
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:icongrumpol:
Grumpol Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! :D
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