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About Deviant Member CydnieFemale/Canada Recent Activity
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So Hi

Thu Apr 3, 2014, 3:40 PM
It's well into the second semester and a lot of things have arisen. My marks continue to improve since my flat line in grade ten, well except for math. Currently I have an 86% in Guitar and Creative Writing, a 93% in History, and wait for it... a 64% in my Grade 12 Math class. My Business teacher still has not put any marks up in the three months since the semester started. But I believe I am doing well in that class too, seeming as it is one of the easiest classes I have ever taken. Although my marks are climbing towards zenith my emotions and mental health have taken a plunge into obsidian depths. 

I have always wondered why I haven't been able to pay any attention during Math class, and I had came to the conclusion that I was a lazy imbecile. All the other kids in my class always seemed to be able to pay attention leaving me behind in my day dreams. Alas, I have found the reason for my incompetence in Math class for I have recently been diagnosed with ADD. At the mention of ADD you reading this most likely thought of the hyper type of ADD. But there is actually seven types of ADD and I have three of them, but not the hyper one. I believe, if I remember correctly I have types 1, 5, and 7. Type 1 is the inability to pay attention, and the ability get distracted easily. It also contributes to extreme procrastination, and a large lack of motivation. Type 5 is I think it's called Limbic ADD which contributes to feelings of depression, and hopelessness. Lastly Type 7 is anxious ADD, which coinciding with the name means I am anxious all the time. I have been susceptible to anxiety attacks lately and they are not fun. I get horrible social anxiety and it's hard for me to feel comfortable in my own skin.

A few days ago I went to the doctors to confirm the diagnosis and give me treatment for it. The doctor said that this medication would only help my Type 1 ADD so I might need to get a physiologist to treat my other types. She also told me that with this medication it may actually worsen the other two types because the medication helps me focus, and sometimes that focus is directed to bad and depressing thoughts. I was so desperate to get a medication to help me focus in Math that I accepted the medication for my Type 1 ADD. Her hypothesis unfortunately deemed correct because today I had to go home because I was over thinking depressing thoughts and I thought I was going to start crying so I went home. The medication seems to work at little for I have gotten more work done than I think I would have without the medication but it made my bad thoughts worse. I am not going to stop taking it though, I'm going to have to get dopamine supplements to counteract those thoughts.

It doesn't help that I am getting quite fed up with my friends. We seriously have nothing in common and I literally have nothing to talk about with them. They ostracize me almost everyday, and I don't know how much longer I can put up with it. I feel so left out when I am with them because they barley ever acknowledge me, they just talk among themselves and leave me out. There has been times I have been so fed up with it I just left and read my book in some corner of the school. I don't blame them, they are ignorant to my feelings and they don't realize they exclude me. I have tried to make other friends but that search was deemed unfruitful for everyone already has their social groups. I don't hate them, and if I did find other friends I would not discontinue our friendship. I'm just getting sick and tried of being ignored. I know it's said that life gets better, and High School is only four years of your life but this is getting hopeless. I have been stuck in a hole for the past year and no matter how hard I try I cannot climb out. I know it will get better but I am just absolutely sick and tired of this state of limbo.  

  • Mood: Isolated
  • Listening to: Shinedown: Better Version
  • Reading: Dragon Weather: Lawrence Watt-Evans
  • Watching: Workaholics
  • Playing: Bioshock Infinite


I live in Canada, and I absolutely love my country. I am a photographer but only an amateur, it's a very big hobby of mine. All of my photos are raw and natural, I do not believe in editing photos, because then the real beauty of what you are taking a picture of is lost and fake. I am also a writer, although I'm still improving. I also love history and know a lot about all kinds of historical events and eras.

Here are some facts about me:

1. I love nature and I love being outside.

2. I like road trips for some reason, and I love to stick my head out the car window, kind of like a dog.

3. I love history, I watch the History Channel all the time. And annoy everyone with all the facts about pasts eras and events. The eras I like the most in order are Medieval Times, Ancient Greece, Ancient Egypt, Ancient Rome, World War 1 and 2, and I also like the history of the Aztec Warriors in Ancient Mexico. I hope to go to University for history and write historical fiction books. Historical Fiction is when you take events, eras, and situations from the past and make up your own characters and story line.

4. I love music, well I actually hate most kinds of music I only listen to Metal, Heavy Metal, Folk Metal, Melodic Death Metal and Death Metal, Black Metal, Hard Rock, Rock, Grunge, Post Grunge, and I also like 80s metal and rock. My top favourite bands are Five Finger Death Punch, Disturbed, and Avenged Sevenfold. I know a lot about these genres. If you want a good band to listen to just let me know and I'll make some suggestions.

5. I play the drums, and love to play double base. I don't have a band and perhaps that's because I'm shy about my talent only my family and drumming teacher have heard me play. I hope to over come my shyness and be able to play in a metal band one day.

5. I like to write but I do need to improve a lot. I'm currently writing a book called "The Glory" which I started in 9th grade.

6. I love to watch the UFC with my older brother and my dad. I also like the reality T.V show The Ultimate Fighter, where fighters compete to get into the UFC.

7. I like video games like The Elder Scrolls series, Call of Duty, Halo, Fallout series, Dragons Age, Bio-Shock, Assassins Creed, and many others. And I prefer playing them on the X-box 360 even though I do have a Play Station 3, and a Wii.

8. I love to read I enjoy reading History books, and Fantasy Novels. And no Fantasy is not like Romance Fantasies, it's more like Lord of The Rings, with goblins, ogres, magic, wizards and stuff like that, and the story is usually based in Medieval Times. I also like Military Novels.

9. I enjoy archery and love to run around out side practicing on my little archery range. I don't know why but it makes me feel like i'm in Medieval Times (Lol I sound insane).

10. I'm pretty tall I'm 5'10"

11. My favourite animals are: #1 Ostrich and #2 Bison! :D

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Malcolm21 3 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer

Thanks for the :+fav:....
You're welcome! :D
PlethoraFantastique 4 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you kindly for the favourite. ^_^
You're welcome! :D
Yami-Sajic 5 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the favourite! :D
No problem! :D
GiannisParaschou 6 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
thx for fav at Summer sunset in GREECE by GiannisParaschou
You're welcome! :D
Gwasanee 6 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You made me smile :heart:
You're welcome! :D
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