Hello guys, the last time I wrote a journal was like 5 months ago. To be honest I'm getting really bored of deviantART. I just never check it, and my messages pile up and then I just delete them. I haven't really been writing very much lately. I started a new book but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to post it so I wont talk about it. I don't know if I will continue The Glory, I probably will but I don't know if I will post it anymore. Nobody reads it, I think I might just make it something fun for me. Plus I've been talking to a bunch of people who say it's not very safe to post literature on dA. I know nobody would steal my shitty works but I do want to make a career out of my writing in the future so I just have to be careful. I really wish I could get into dA again. I have so many good memories on the site, and I have met so many awesome friends, and also got closer with my friends in real life. I'm just being honest that I'm not really feeling dA anymore. Now don't worry I'm not deleting my account or anything. I'm just giving you guys a heads up that I wont be on very much. I probably will log in every once in a while to see people's stuff, respond to messages, and post some photography. If you guys want to see me more often and continue to see my creativity then you should follow my Tumblr. It's amryillisbloom.tumblr.com/ but I have been more active on my creepy blog recently which is aliceinwastelande.tumblr.com/ I have like no followers but it's so fun for me. I have really been into really creepy and morbid art recently, so I love re-blogging all of the beautiful and interesting works I see. I might be a little late to jump on the Tumblr bandwagon but I am going to jump on it anyways. I'm pretty active on there. If you follow me I will most likely follow you back especially if you are into creepy art as I am.
Anyways I'm still going to be here don't worry, just not as much. So update time. I'm now in grade 12 (yay I almost get to ascend the stairs from Hell). Honestly out of all my years in high school this year is the laziest and the least amount of work I have ever done. This should be my year to get my shit together for university. Nope. I literally never do homework, I usually just watch horror films from when I get home to when I go to bed. And at school when I should be paying attention I'm listening to music, drawing on the desk, reading, or on Tumblr. Especially in history class. He makes us do assignments that don't count towards our grade they just are to make sure we understand and are learning. I haven't handed in any of them. I have handed in so many things late. My school got a new policy where the teachers can't give you late marks. I'm abusing that so much. I have so many things I haven't done piling up. An English assignment (which I honestly probably will never do). I have multiple history things, and a biology lab. It's pretty ridiculous. I'm not getting bad marks but I'm not getting good ones. At the rate this is going I will barely squeak past into university. I don't know if I'm okay. In some aspects I'm getting so much better, especially with my social anxiety. I'm still pretty awkward and anxious but not nearly as bad. I actually kind of feel confident now. I actually spend time on my appearance now and it feels good. I ditched my "friends" for good finally. They just did not deserve me as a friend because they didn't pay any attention to me. It was almost like deja vu because I just got out of the kind of relationship like 2 years ago. But now things are good in the friend department. I eat lunch alone a lot but that's okay! I like it. I have time to read and write, time to listen to music, go on tumblr and work on homework. It feels so good to just be alone and not have to worrying about trying to keep up a friendship with people who will never put in the same amount of effort that I do. Taking a step back and realizing I deserve better, that it's okay to sit alone at lunch really helped me overcome some social anxiety. I used to be afraid of what people would think when they saw me sitting all alone at lunch, but now I don't care, I'm peaceful, content.
Although I'm not all alone on the friend front. I have become closer with my friend Ala, I have become friends with her friends, and I have even made some friends in my classes that I used to be lonely in. I don't really feel as lonely at school as I was. The same cannot be said for how I feel at home. I feel sad and a little lonely at home. I also feel kind of scared, I feel like I'm actually going a bit insane, and the fear of me going insane is actually making me go insane. If that makes any sense at all.
Oh and also I got a bearded dragon! I love him so much he is so cute. I named him Bilbo Dragons He makes me a lot less lonely I cuddle with him all the time. One might think it weird, snuggling with a lizard but it's pretty cute. Last night I was lying in bed and I felt really sad and I got him out of his cage and laid down with him in my bed and I started to feel better. I never really understood how much love gets invested in pets. Oh and I don't think I said this, I quit my job in like August. I really don't feel like reliving it by typing it. Lets just say it didn't end too well and I'm never going to show my face there again not even to buy groceries.
Well that's about it. I'll talk to you guys later. And hopefully I see some of you on Tumblr.